The Need for Simple Weddings
Mar 23rd, 2011 by Ahmed.
All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him. We seek His assistance and forgiveness. We believe in Him and place our trust in Him.
We seek refuge in Allah from the mischief of our souls and our bad actions. He whom Allah guides no one can mislead, and he whom Allah misleads, no one can guide.
We bear testimony that there is no deity except Allah. He is alone and has no partner and we bear testimony that our leader and master Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger. O Allah, shower your everlasting peace and blessings on him and on his descendants and his companions.
Almighty Allah says in the Holy Qur’an:
“O Mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from him He created his wife (Eve), and from them He created many men and women. Fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah ever watches over you.” (4:1)
“O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared. And die not except in the state of Islam (as Muslims).” (3:102)
“O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah and fear him, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger he has indeed achieved a great achievement.” (34:70-71)
The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:
“Marry such women as are affectionate, child producing for I wish to outnumber the nations through you.” (Abu Dawood & Nasai)
“Nikah is my Sunnah.” (Ibn Majah)
“Whosoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” (Bukhari)
Friends! On this auspicious occasion of Nikah, I pray to Almighty Allah that He may instil Muhabbat (love and affection) between the married couple, that through this bond of marriage, pious and righteous children are born, and also that Muhabbat and Ulfat (loving bond) is created between the families of the married couple. In addition, I invoke unto Almighty Allah that He may find for all our young boys and girls pious and suitable partners (Ameen).
This Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. Simplicity would be the hallmark of every Nikah performed by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. We are instructed in the Hadith that when a suitable partner is found for a girl, then haste should be made in performing the Nikah. A major reason for the marked increase in the number of unmarried boys and girls in present-day society stems mainly from neglecting the sound advice given in this Hadith. Nowadays the Nikah is delayed in spite of having found a suitable partner for ones son or daughter. For the sake of personal convenience, like going on a holiday or waiting for the arrival of some guest, or some other programme, we unnecessarily delay the marriage.
I am conscious that this moment is one of joy and happiness. I do not want to dampen it. But I must also digress a bit from the main topic of marriage and express the anguish of my heart at the suffering of fellow Muslims, while we continue to indulge in comforts and luxuries. As you know, the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and his Companions رضى الله تعالى عنهم did not avail of luxuries despite having the opportunity to do so; instead, they made rigorous Mujahadah (endeavour). By the Barakah (blessings) of their Mujahadah each Companion became a great warrior, who strove and persevered.
When we look inward into our own lives it reveals quite the opposite. We have become so attached to worldly comforts and luxuries that it has, indeed, become difficult for us to discharge our own necessities without relying on others. Over indulgence in ease and comforts is also a significant reason for our misfortune and downfall. If only we realized the true concept of Islamic brotherhood then to continue in extravagant celebrations would really hit the raw inner of our consciousness. Presently, throughout the world, hundreds and thousands of fellow Muslims are suffering at the hands of non Muslims. So many of them are held captives by the enemies of Allah, and the respect and dignity of so many others is being looted, and above all, our brothers and sisters are helpless with no one to confront the perpetrators of their misery. In this dire situation, our brothers and sisters are really in need of every sip of water, every piece of grain and every single penny. Oh friends, is this really a time to indulge in extravagant celebrations, merrymaking and rejoicing? This is surely against the trend of Islamic brotherhood, and I say, it is also against humanity! When you see the abundant favours of Allah so freely granted – especially when you sit to eat – then your eyes should be filled with tears. At the same time, reflect on the plight and suffering borne by Muslims in Bosnia, Somalia, Philippines, Burma and so many other places. Muslims whose situation is most distressing. Despite what prevails before our eyes, are we going to be like the ostrich with its head in the sand?
In this present era, the warning bells of danger to our Faith can be heard ringing aloud. Although the situation is better here (as compared to that in other countries) but we cannot be complacent. The tide of moral and religious degeneration is reigning down on us from all sides. We regularly hear incidents of how our progeny is being exposed to the ills prevalent in this society. We must, therefore, be aware of the dangers and maintain a vigilant eye. We should reflect on what is happening and take a firm grasp of the declining moral and religious situation in this society.
In spite of hearing the plight and misery of Muslims, our feelings seem to remain static, and we are largely unresponsive to their plight. We should try to alter this kind of outlook. Most importantly, we should try and generate a genuine feeling for our Muslim brothers and sisters. We should consider their suffering as our own. We should not behave in apathetic manner, unaware of what is happening to them. Let us conduct ourselves honourably, sharing their woes and grief wherever they may be in the world. Their suffering, displacement and slaughter should be felt by all of us.
I have deliberately shed light on this subject because, nowadays, our wedding functions have become such that vast sums of money are spent and this suggests a kind of indifference to the suffering of Muslim at large. I, for one, do not condone this kind of attitude. On occasions like this, I only wish that greater accountability would be taken. As I have already explained, there are so many Muslims throughout the world in need, so many oppressed, so many destitute and so many in need of every grain, yet our inner eyes remain closed. As Hazrat Shaikhul Hadith Maulana Muhammad Zakaria Saheb Rahmatullahi alai once wrote to his daughter, saying, “Oh daughter! When we depart from this world, our eyes will really open. Only then will we realize!”
Thus, we will only truly realize the extent of our self-deception once we have left this transitory world. How we deceived our own selves. Only then will we truly appreciate the significance of assisting the needy and helpless Muslims. If we are not able to do anything else, then, at least we should develop a sincere concern for our fellow Muslims and pray for them. Even this will not be overlooked by Almighty Allah, who will, Inshallah, accord us with much blessing and reward.
I now return to the subject of my initial discussion, that Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. This sublime act is such that it cannot accommodate any other custom; simplicity, as I explained at the outset, is its hallmark. As such, there is no need for a large assembly or congregation for its commemoration.
I will now briefly mention the nature of simplicity observed in weddings conducted at the time of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. Once the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم noticed a stain of Itr (perfume) on the garment of one of his Companion, Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah . Although use of Itr was Sunnat, it would generally be applied only for special occasions like a wedding, or on significant days like Friday and Eid. Seeing the blot, the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم enquired of Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah : “Have you married?” He replied, “Yes.” The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم further asked, “Whom did you marry, a virgin or a widow?” He replied, “A widow.” The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “Why did you not choose a virgin, that you might play with her and she might play with you? I see you as a young man.” Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah replied most gracefully, saying: “O Prophet , my father was martyred in the battle of Uhad. He left behind nine small sisters. Had I married a virgin then she would have become the tenth. That is why I have married a widow, so that with her age and experience she could provide upbringing and training for my sisters.”
From this incident we can deduce that despite the presence of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم in Madina Munawwarah, there was no question of delaying the Nikah to the extent of even informing let alone inviting him.
Thus, in the time of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, whenever a suitable partner was found for a boy or girl, the Nikah would be conducted without delay. It would not be treated as something so significant as to require the attention or approval of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. For this reason Hazrat Shaikh Rahmatullahi alai used to say, “I can’t understand all these formalities for Nikah, because Nikah is an Ibadat (act of worship). When someone intends to perform two Rakats of Salat then must he print posters and send everyone cards asking them to assemble in the Jame Masjid before performing the two Rakats?” What a beautiful explanation Hazrat Shaikh provided. Since Nikah is also an Ibadat, then what is the need to print cards and gather a large congregation?
Hazrat himself practised what he preached. He married two of his daughters with Hazrat Jee Maulana Yusuf Saheb and Hazrat Jee Maulana Inamul Hasan Saheb respectively. The occasion of their marriage coincided with the annual graduation ceremony at Mazahirul Uloom, Saharanpur. Both prospective son-in-laws were to graduate. Hazrat, prior to leaving for the graduation ceremony, went home and called out that I propose to wed Maulana Yusuf with such a daughter and Maulana Inamul Hasan with such a daughter, naming each daughter. This was the only type of announcement made in advance of the wedding.
Hazrat Maulana Ihtishamul Haq Saheb, who happened to be the maternal uncle of the daughters and also the brother-in-law of Hazrat Shaikh, as well as being a member of the household, became upset at not being consulted about the marriage. He protested saying that he was the maternal uncle of the girls, and as such, he should at least have been consulted prior to their Nikah. However, Hazrat’s stance remained the same. As Nikah is an Ibadat what is the need to notify everyone. The participants of the marriage were informed and that was sufficient.
On the contrary, we have created so many unnecessary formalities that if perchance the wedding feast is not held on the day of the wedding, we make full amends by holding a large Walimah (a meal after consummating the marriage) the following day.
The practise of Walimah was also celebrated by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم but not in the same manner in which we are accustomed to. When Khaiber was conquered, among the prisoners of war included Hazrat Safiyyah , the daughter of a Jewish chief. Hazrat Dihya Qalbi requested the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم for a maid. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “Go and take any slave girl.” He took Hazrat Safiyya . At this, the other Sahabah approached the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and said: “O, Prophet of Allah! Banu Nazir and Banu Quraizah (the Jewish tribes of Madinah) will feel offended to see the daughter of a Jewish chief working as a maid. We therefore suggest that she is only suitable for you.” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم called Dihya and said, “Take any seven slave girls but leave her (i.e. Safiyya).” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم then freed her from slavery and married her. In the tradition reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, we are further told that they had left Khaiber and on the way, Umme Sulaim dressed her for marriage and at night she sent her as a bride. The following day Walimah feast was arranged with whatever was available.
The point I really want to elicit from this story is the manner in which the Walimah was organized. It was such a simple affair. The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم asked his companions to bring their own food. He spread out an eating mat and some brought dates and others cooking butter. This was the manner in which the Walimah of Allah’s Messenger was celebrated.
Friends! The teachings of our religion, as exemplified by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, impress upon us simplicity. We need to change our approach and attitude to life and adopt these simple and noble practises.
I again reiterate that there is need for us to change our present outlook. We should replace our indifference and apathy to the suffering borne by fellow Muslims and replace it with a genuine feeling of love and consideration. Only then will we merit the pity of Allah. If we are sincere Muslims then let us mirror the loss sustained by our brothers and sisters. Such should be our grief that it shows on our faces, cause feelings of pain and revulsion in our hearts and makes sour the food and drink we consume. This should be a natural reaction to hearing any kind of tragedy befalling Muslims. Alas, there is a great need to re-establish true Islamic brotherhood in this day and age.
In the end, I pray to Almighty Allah that He grants us all the Tawfiq (strength and ability) to appreciate the delicate age we live in and that He fully rectifies us in all respects (Ameen).
And our last call is that all praise be to the Lord of the worlds and peace and blessings be upon the Master of the Messengers, his descendants and his companions.
Selected Discourses by Hadhrat Shaikhul Hadith Maulana Yusuf Motala Sahib
Inter-Islam
Tuesday 4 October 2011
Characteristics of a Pious Husband
Characteristics of a Pious Husband
Jul 30th, 2008 by Ahmed.
On the Day of Judgment :Allah will ask men if they fulfilled their obligations towards their families. They who fear Allah will do their best to direct the way his wife and children live by educating himself and his family to living according to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and the Holy Qur’an, the final word of Allah.
The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “The best of you is the best one to his family.” [Al-Tabarani]
To share food with her, to provide her with (decent) clothes as he provides himself, to refrain from smacking her, and not ignoring her but in the house. [Ahmad]
One should not hate his believer wife. If he dislikes some of her attitudes, he would (surely) like others (attitudes). [Muslim]
Woman was created from a bent rib and will not be made straight for you on one way (that you like). If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you want to straighten her up, you will break her. Breaking her is divorcing her. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
Do (volunteer) fasting (some days) and do not fast (in other days), pray at night (some nights) and sleep (in other nights). Your body has a right on you (to rest), your eye has a right on you (to sleep), and your wife has a right on you. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
Fear Allah in (treating) women. [Muslim]
Be advised to treat women righteously. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing that Allah brings through it a great deal of good. [4:19]
The Prophet (Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,”A Dinar (a currency) that you spend on your family, a Dinar that you spend on a poor person and a Dinar that you spend in the sake of Allah. The one that carries the most reward is the one that you spend on your family.” [Muslim]
The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said to Saaid ibn Abi Waqqas,”Know that no charity that you give whether small or large, for the sake of Allah, but you will be rewarded for it, even the bite (of food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Jul 30th, 2008 by Ahmed.
On the Day of Judgment :Allah will ask men if they fulfilled their obligations towards their families. They who fear Allah will do their best to direct the way his wife and children live by educating himself and his family to living according to the Sunnah of the Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) and the Holy Qur’an, the final word of Allah.
The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said, “The best of you is the best one to his family.” [Al-Tabarani]
To share food with her, to provide her with (decent) clothes as he provides himself, to refrain from smacking her, and not ignoring her but in the house. [Ahmad]
One should not hate his believer wife. If he dislikes some of her attitudes, he would (surely) like others (attitudes). [Muslim]
Woman was created from a bent rib and will not be made straight for you on one way (that you like). If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you want to straighten her up, you will break her. Breaking her is divorcing her. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
Do (volunteer) fasting (some days) and do not fast (in other days), pray at night (some nights) and sleep (in other nights). Your body has a right on you (to rest), your eye has a right on you (to sleep), and your wife has a right on you. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
Fear Allah in (treating) women. [Muslim]
Be advised to treat women righteously. [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]
And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing that Allah brings through it a great deal of good. [4:19]
The Prophet (Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said,”A Dinar (a currency) that you spend on your family, a Dinar that you spend on a poor person and a Dinar that you spend in the sake of Allah. The one that carries the most reward is the one that you spend on your family.” [Muslim]
The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said to Saaid ibn Abi Waqqas,”Know that no charity that you give whether small or large, for the sake of Allah, but you will be rewarded for it, even the bite (of food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Nikah Khutbah Translated
Nikah Khutbah Translated
Jul 3rd, 2008 by Ahmed.
Thanks be to Allah that we praise Him, pray to Him for help; ask Him for pardon; we believe in Him, We trust Him; and ask Him to guard us from the evil of our own souls and from the evil consequences of our own deeds. Whomsoever He leaves straying no one can guide him. I bear witness that there is no God save Allah, who has no partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and messenger, whom He has sent with truth as a bringer of good news and a warner.
Now, after Hamd-o-Salat, the best word is the book of Allah, and the best way is that of Muhammad, on whom be peace. The worst of all things are innovations and every innovation leads astray, and every thing that leads astray leads to Hell.
Whosoever obeys Allah and His messenger will be guided aright and whosoever disobeys will cause loss to his own self (and thereafter). Hereafter, I ask the refuge of Allah from Shaitan, the outcast.
O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain hath spread abroad a multitude of men and women. be careful of your duty towards Allah in whom you claim (your rights) of one another, and toward the wombs (that bear you). Lo, Allah hath been a watcher over you. [4:1]
O ye who believe! Observe your duty to Allah with right observance, and die not save as those who have surrendered (unto Him). [3:102]
O ye who believe! Guard your duty to Allah, and speak words straight to the point; He will adjust your works for you and will forgive you your sins. Whosoever obeyeth Allah and His messenger, he verily hath gained a signal victory. [33:70-71]
Jul 3rd, 2008 by Ahmed.
Thanks be to Allah that we praise Him, pray to Him for help; ask Him for pardon; we believe in Him, We trust Him; and ask Him to guard us from the evil of our own souls and from the evil consequences of our own deeds. Whomsoever He leaves straying no one can guide him. I bear witness that there is no God save Allah, who has no partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and messenger, whom He has sent with truth as a bringer of good news and a warner.
Now, after Hamd-o-Salat, the best word is the book of Allah, and the best way is that of Muhammad, on whom be peace. The worst of all things are innovations and every innovation leads astray, and every thing that leads astray leads to Hell.
Whosoever obeys Allah and His messenger will be guided aright and whosoever disobeys will cause loss to his own self (and thereafter). Hereafter, I ask the refuge of Allah from Shaitan, the outcast.
O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain hath spread abroad a multitude of men and women. be careful of your duty towards Allah in whom you claim (your rights) of one another, and toward the wombs (that bear you). Lo, Allah hath been a watcher over you. [4:1]
O ye who believe! Observe your duty to Allah with right observance, and die not save as those who have surrendered (unto Him). [3:102]
O ye who believe! Guard your duty to Allah, and speak words straight to the point; He will adjust your works for you and will forgive you your sins. Whosoever obeyeth Allah and His messenger, he verily hath gained a signal victory. [33:70-71]
100 Pre Marital Questions
100 Pre Marital Questions
Jul 27th, 2007 by Ahmed.
What is your concept of marriage?
Have you been married before?
Are you married now?
What are you expectations of marriage?
What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
What is the role of religion in your life now?
Are you a spiritual person?
What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
What is the role of the husband?
What is the role of the wife?
Do you want to practice polygamy?
What is your relationship with your family?
What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
How did you get to know them?
Why are they your friends?
What do you like most about them?
What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
What is the level of your relationship with them now?
What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
What are the things that you do in your free time?
Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
Do you travel?
How do you spend your vacations?
How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
Do you read?
What do you read?
After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
Do you like to write your feelings?
If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
Do your friends use foul language?
Does your family use foul language?
How do you express anger?
How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
What do you do when you are angry?
When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
How do you support your own health and nutrition?
What is you definition of wealth?
How do you spend money?
How do you save money?
How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
Do you use credit cards?
Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
Do you support the idea of a working wife?
If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
Do you believe in abortion?
Do you have children now?
What is your relationship with your children now?
What is your relationship with their other parent?
What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
What is the best method(s) of raising children?
What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
How were you raised?
How were you disciplined?
Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
Do you believe in public school for your children?
Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with
Jul 27th, 2007 by Ahmed.
What is your concept of marriage?
Have you been married before?
Are you married now?
What are you expectations of marriage?
What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
What is the role of religion in your life now?
Are you a spiritual person?
What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
What is the role of the husband?
What is the role of the wife?
Do you want to practice polygamy?
What is your relationship with your family?
What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
How did you get to know them?
Why are they your friends?
What do you like most about them?
What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
What is the level of your relationship with them now?
What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
What are the things that you do in your free time?
Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
Do you travel?
How do you spend your vacations?
How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
Do you read?
What do you read?
After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
Do you like to write your feelings?
If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
Do your friends use foul language?
Does your family use foul language?
How do you express anger?
How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
What do you do when you are angry?
When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
How do you support your own health and nutrition?
What is you definition of wealth?
How do you spend money?
How do you save money?
How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
Do you use credit cards?
Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
Do you support the idea of a working wife?
If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
Do you believe in abortion?
Do you have children now?
What is your relationship with your children now?
What is your relationship with their other parent?
What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
What is the best method(s) of raising children?
What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
How were you raised?
How were you disciplined?
Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
Do you believe in public school for your children?
Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with
Pre-Marital Relations
Pre-Marital Relations
Jul 16th, 2007 by Ahmed.
May Allah bless Shaykh who has with his advices saved many young men and women from committing fornication before marriage, by pointing out the whole truth in such a manner that the youth of today find it palatable and adhere to his advices. Once Shaykh very candidly called out to the youth of the community:
“When young men and women date with each other (before marriage), they think that by doing this I am going to get to know the person well and then I can then decide whether we will be compatible or not. Remember that this is a deceit. When a young man and young woman go out together they usually only show a front and their best side, and most faults are concealed. Therefore after a ‘love marriage’ people face problem immediately [because ‘they don’t seem to know that person anymore’].
One can also make a assumption that perhaps these types of marriages face furthermore problems than other marriages [without pre-marital relations] because one has an already fixed an expectation that this person was such before and should be so now. Where as a couple whom have not had pre-martial relations will be open-minded and become willing to face any problem that come their way”.
Another time Shaykh said “A young man came to me and said ‘Shaykh I don’t find my wife attractive any more, and neither does she find me attractive. I don’t understand’, he said ‘before marriage we were extremely attracted to each other’. I replied [said Shaykh] to this young chap. ‘It’s quite simple. The love that you had was actually an infatuation, and Shaytaan deliberately put that attraction in the both of you so that you went on committing sin before marriage. It was favourable for him to do so because you were both in grave loss. However, after you got married, your interaction became Halal and lawful, so in fact, instead of sin you were now gaining reward, so Shaytaan removed that attraction, because you were evidently in gain!”
Jul 16th, 2007 by Ahmed.
May Allah bless Shaykh who has with his advices saved many young men and women from committing fornication before marriage, by pointing out the whole truth in such a manner that the youth of today find it palatable and adhere to his advices. Once Shaykh very candidly called out to the youth of the community:
“When young men and women date with each other (before marriage), they think that by doing this I am going to get to know the person well and then I can then decide whether we will be compatible or not. Remember that this is a deceit. When a young man and young woman go out together they usually only show a front and their best side, and most faults are concealed. Therefore after a ‘love marriage’ people face problem immediately [because ‘they don’t seem to know that person anymore’].
One can also make a assumption that perhaps these types of marriages face furthermore problems than other marriages [without pre-marital relations] because one has an already fixed an expectation that this person was such before and should be so now. Where as a couple whom have not had pre-martial relations will be open-minded and become willing to face any problem that come their way”.
Another time Shaykh said “A young man came to me and said ‘Shaykh I don’t find my wife attractive any more, and neither does she find me attractive. I don’t understand’, he said ‘before marriage we were extremely attracted to each other’. I replied [said Shaykh] to this young chap. ‘It’s quite simple. The love that you had was actually an infatuation, and Shaytaan deliberately put that attraction in the both of you so that you went on committing sin before marriage. It was favourable for him to do so because you were both in grave loss. However, after you got married, your interaction became Halal and lawful, so in fact, instead of sin you were now gaining reward, so Shaytaan removed that attraction, because you were evidently in gain!”
Key Advice for the Newly Wed
Key Advice for the Newly Wed
Jul 9th, 2007 by Ahmed.
Based on the advices of Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat
prepared by Brother Aslam Patel
“You have never seen anything better than marriage for those who love.” (Ibne Mãjah)
Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat dãmat barakãtuhum advises:
1. Every action is dependant upon intention. When marrying, both partners should therefore make a firm intention to accomplish the following objectives:
Following the Sunnah of our beloved Nabee Muhammad s.
Safeguarding oneself from sins.
Parenting pious children.
2. When marrying, each becomes the other’s lifetime companion. Each should understand and appreciate that Allah S has brought them both together and that their destiny in life has now become one. Whatever the circumstances: happiness or sorrow; health or sickness; wealth or poverty; comfort or hardship; trial or ease; all events are to be confronted together as a team with mutual affection and respect. No matter how wealthy, affluent, materially prosperous and “better-off” another couple may appear, one’s circumstances are to be happily accepted with qanã‘at (contentment upon the Choice of Allah S). The wife should happily accept her husband, his home and income as her lot and should always feel that her husband is her true beloved and best friend and well-wisher in all family decisions. The husband too should accept his wife as his partner-for-life and not cast a glance towards another.
3. Nowadays, the husband reads about, and is well-informed of his rights and demands them. Similarly, the wife reads of her rights and expects them. However, both should concentrate on being aware of each other’s rights and then strive to fulfil them. This is the prescription for a prosperous marriage and everlasting love.
4. During the first year of marriage, the couple must try and spend as much time as possible together. This is especially true for the first two months as it provides an opportunity to understand each other’s temperaments and establishes a firm foundation which contributes towards securing a prosperous marriage.
5. The couple (especially the husband) must make a point to arrive home early after ‘Ishã Salãh and scrupulously avoid the habit of socialising with friends late into the evening. Wherever possible, business, employment and other activities should be concluded beforehand or curtailed in order to set aside time for spending together.
6. Mutual respect between husband and wife should not be lost. They should each be very particular about following the Deen right from the initial stages of married life. This will also ensure a religious environment for the children to be nurtured in, contributing greatly towards their successful upbringing.
7. True and everlasting prosperity is only possible for Muslims when they follow the Sunnah of Rasoolullah s in all affairs. The couple too, should adhere to the teachings of Rasoolullah s in all their matters and abstain from anything which contradicts them. Careful attention should be given to this in their intimate relationship too. Inshã’allah this will be an assured approach to acquiring the blessing of pious offspring.
8. In the initial stages of marriage, the love between the couple is a physical bond, wherein emotional changes take place all the time. Despite great passion and physical love for each other, affection between the couple is not yet well established or on a rational basis. Such rational love comes after many years together. It is therefore extremely important for the husband not to succumb to emotional weaknesses at the onset and let the marriage waver towards an irreligious direction. Both the husband and wife should make a pledge to each other to steadfastly follow the Deen, especially in the performance of Salãh and in avoiding all sins.
9. Marriage is like the weather, forever changing. Sometimes it is cloudy and rainy, life appears gloomy, then the sun appears and rays of happiness break through bringing joy. At times, one experiences rain, wind and sunshine all in one day. Such is life, and like the seasons, we go through different experiences. The secret is to remain devoted and steadfast to one’s Deen and spouse.
10. The husband should be sympathetic to the fact that his wife has left her parents, brothers and sisters to start a new life with him. Her sacrifice and her feelings should be respected and joy should be felt by both partners at the expansion of their families.
Just as the wife should treat her husband’s parents as her own, he should also extend affection, courtesy and respect to his new in-laws.
11. As soon as one experiences a problem, no matter how trivial, which remains unresolved for more than three days, consult a person who is both knowledgeable and your sincere well-wisher.
Jul 9th, 2007 by Ahmed.
Based on the advices of Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat
prepared by Brother Aslam Patel
“You have never seen anything better than marriage for those who love.” (Ibne Mãjah)
Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Dhorat dãmat barakãtuhum advises:
1. Every action is dependant upon intention. When marrying, both partners should therefore make a firm intention to accomplish the following objectives:
Following the Sunnah of our beloved Nabee Muhammad s.
Safeguarding oneself from sins.
Parenting pious children.
2. When marrying, each becomes the other’s lifetime companion. Each should understand and appreciate that Allah S has brought them both together and that their destiny in life has now become one. Whatever the circumstances: happiness or sorrow; health or sickness; wealth or poverty; comfort or hardship; trial or ease; all events are to be confronted together as a team with mutual affection and respect. No matter how wealthy, affluent, materially prosperous and “better-off” another couple may appear, one’s circumstances are to be happily accepted with qanã‘at (contentment upon the Choice of Allah S). The wife should happily accept her husband, his home and income as her lot and should always feel that her husband is her true beloved and best friend and well-wisher in all family decisions. The husband too should accept his wife as his partner-for-life and not cast a glance towards another.
3. Nowadays, the husband reads about, and is well-informed of his rights and demands them. Similarly, the wife reads of her rights and expects them. However, both should concentrate on being aware of each other’s rights and then strive to fulfil them. This is the prescription for a prosperous marriage and everlasting love.
4. During the first year of marriage, the couple must try and spend as much time as possible together. This is especially true for the first two months as it provides an opportunity to understand each other’s temperaments and establishes a firm foundation which contributes towards securing a prosperous marriage.
5. The couple (especially the husband) must make a point to arrive home early after ‘Ishã Salãh and scrupulously avoid the habit of socialising with friends late into the evening. Wherever possible, business, employment and other activities should be concluded beforehand or curtailed in order to set aside time for spending together.
6. Mutual respect between husband and wife should not be lost. They should each be very particular about following the Deen right from the initial stages of married life. This will also ensure a religious environment for the children to be nurtured in, contributing greatly towards their successful upbringing.
7. True and everlasting prosperity is only possible for Muslims when they follow the Sunnah of Rasoolullah s in all affairs. The couple too, should adhere to the teachings of Rasoolullah s in all their matters and abstain from anything which contradicts them. Careful attention should be given to this in their intimate relationship too. Inshã’allah this will be an assured approach to acquiring the blessing of pious offspring.
8. In the initial stages of marriage, the love between the couple is a physical bond, wherein emotional changes take place all the time. Despite great passion and physical love for each other, affection between the couple is not yet well established or on a rational basis. Such rational love comes after many years together. It is therefore extremely important for the husband not to succumb to emotional weaknesses at the onset and let the marriage waver towards an irreligious direction. Both the husband and wife should make a pledge to each other to steadfastly follow the Deen, especially in the performance of Salãh and in avoiding all sins.
9. Marriage is like the weather, forever changing. Sometimes it is cloudy and rainy, life appears gloomy, then the sun appears and rays of happiness break through bringing joy. At times, one experiences rain, wind and sunshine all in one day. Such is life, and like the seasons, we go through different experiences. The secret is to remain devoted and steadfast to one’s Deen and spouse.
10. The husband should be sympathetic to the fact that his wife has left her parents, brothers and sisters to start a new life with him. Her sacrifice and her feelings should be respected and joy should be felt by both partners at the expansion of their families.
Just as the wife should treat her husband’s parents as her own, he should also extend affection, courtesy and respect to his new in-laws.
11. As soon as one experiences a problem, no matter how trivial, which remains unresolved for more than three days, consult a person who is both knowledgeable and your sincere well-wisher.
The Need for Simple Weddings
The Need for Simple Weddings
Mar 23rd, 2011 by Ahmed.
All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him. We seek His assistance and forgiveness. We believe in Him and place our trust in Him.
We seek refuge in Allah from the mischief of our souls and our bad actions. He whom Allah guides no one can mislead, and he whom Allah misleads, no one can guide.
We bear testimony that there is no deity except Allah. He is alone and has no partner and we bear testimony that our leader and master Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger. O Allah, shower your everlasting peace and blessings on him and on his descendants and his companions.
Almighty Allah says in the Holy Qur’an:
“O Mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from him He created his wife (Eve), and from them He created many men and women. Fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah ever watches over you.” (4:1)
“O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared. And die not except in the state of Islam (as Muslims).” (3:102)
“O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah and fear him, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger he has indeed achieved a great achievement.” (34:70-71)
The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:
“Marry such women as are affectionate, child producing for I wish to outnumber the nations through you.” (Abu Dawood & Nasai)
“Nikah is my Sunnah.” (Ibn Majah)
“Whosoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” (Bukhari)
Friends! On this auspicious occasion of Nikah, I pray to Almighty Allah that He may instil Muhabbat (love and affection) between the married couple, that through this bond of marriage, pious and righteous children are born, and also that Muhabbat and Ulfat (loving bond) is created between the families of the married couple. In addition, I invoke unto Almighty Allah that He may find for all our young boys and girls pious and suitable partners (Ameen).
This Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. Simplicity would be the hallmark of every Nikah performed by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. We are instructed in the Hadith that when a suitable partner is found for a girl, then haste should be made in performing the Nikah. A major reason for the marked increase in the number of unmarried boys and girls in present-day society stems mainly from neglecting the sound advice given in this Hadith. Nowadays the Nikah is delayed in spite of having found a suitable partner for ones son or daughter. For the sake of personal convenience, like going on a holiday or waiting for the arrival of some guest, or some other programme, we unnecessarily delay the marriage.
I am conscious that this moment is one of joy and happiness. I do not want to dampen it. But I must also digress a bit from the main topic of marriage and express the anguish of my heart at the suffering of fellow Muslims, while we continue to indulge in comforts and luxuries. As you know, the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and his Companions رضى الله تعالى عنهم did not avail of luxuries despite having the opportunity to do so; instead, they made rigorous Mujahadah (endeavour). By the Barakah (blessings) of their Mujahadah each Companion became a great warrior, who strove and persevered.
When we look inward into our own lives it reveals quite the opposite. We have become so attached to worldly comforts and luxuries that it has, indeed, become difficult for us to discharge our own necessities without relying on others. Over indulgence in ease and comforts is also a significant reason for our misfortune and downfall. If only we realized the true concept of Islamic brotherhood then to continue in extravagant celebrations would really hit the raw inner of our consciousness. Presently, throughout the world, hundreds and thousands of fellow Muslims are suffering at the hands of non Muslims. So many of them are held captives by the enemies of Allah, and the respect and dignity of so many others is being looted, and above all, our brothers and sisters are helpless with no one to confront the perpetrators of their misery. In this dire situation, our brothers and sisters are really in need of every sip of water, every piece of grain and every single penny. Oh friends, is this really a time to indulge in extravagant celebrations, merrymaking and rejoicing? This is surely against the trend of Islamic brotherhood, and I say, it is also against humanity! When you see the abundant favours of Allah so freely granted – especially when you sit to eat – then your eyes should be filled with tears. At the same time, reflect on the plight and suffering borne by Muslims in Bosnia, Somalia, Philippines, Burma and so many other places. Muslims whose situation is most distressing. Despite what prevails before our eyes, are we going to be like the ostrich with its head in the sand?
In this present era, the warning bells of danger to our Faith can be heard ringing aloud. Although the situation is better here (as compared to that in other countries) but we cannot be complacent. The tide of moral and religious degeneration is reigning down on us from all sides. We regularly hear incidents of how our progeny is being exposed to the ills prevalent in this society. We must, therefore, be aware of the dangers and maintain a vigilant eye. We should reflect on what is happening and take a firm grasp of the declining moral and religious situation in this society.
In spite of hearing the plight and misery of Muslims, our feelings seem to remain static, and we are largely unresponsive to their plight. We should try to alter this kind of outlook. Most importantly, we should try and generate a genuine feeling for our Muslim brothers and sisters. We should consider their suffering as our own. We should not behave in apathetic manner, unaware of what is happening to them. Let us conduct ourselves honourably, sharing their woes and grief wherever they may be in the world. Their suffering, displacement and slaughter should be felt by all of us.
I have deliberately shed light on this subject because, nowadays, our wedding functions have become such that vast sums of money are spent and this suggests a kind of indifference to the suffering of Muslim at large. I, for one, do not condone this kind of attitude. On occasions like this, I only wish that greater accountability would be taken. As I have already explained, there are so many Muslims throughout the world in need, so many oppressed, so many destitute and so many in need of every grain, yet our inner eyes remain closed. As Hazrat Shaikhul Hadith Maulana Muhammad Zakaria Saheb Rahmatullahi alai once wrote to his daughter, saying, “Oh daughter! When we depart from this world, our eyes will really open. Only then will we realize!”
Thus, we will only truly realize the extent of our self-deception once we have left this transitory world. How we deceived our own selves. Only then will we truly appreciate the significance of assisting the needy and helpless Muslims. If we are not able to do anything else, then, at least we should develop a sincere concern for our fellow Muslims and pray for them. Even this will not be overlooked by Almighty Allah, who will, Inshallah, accord us with much blessing and reward.
I now return to the subject of my initial discussion, that Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. This sublime act is such that it cannot accommodate any other custom; simplicity, as I explained at the outset, is its hallmark. As such, there is no need for a large assembly or congregation for its commemoration.
I will now briefly mention the nature of simplicity observed in weddings conducted at the time of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. Once the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم noticed a stain of Itr (perfume) on the garment of one of his Companion, Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah . Although use of Itr was Sunnat, it would generally be applied only for special occasions like a wedding, or on significant days like Friday and Eid. Seeing the blot, the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم enquired of Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah : “Have you married?” He replied, “Yes.” The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم further asked, “Whom did you marry, a virgin or a widow?” He replied, “A widow.” The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “Why did you not choose a virgin, that you might play with her and she might play with you? I see you as a young man.” Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah replied most gracefully, saying: “O Prophet , my father was martyred in the battle of Uhad. He left behind nine small sisters. Had I married a virgin then she would have become the tenth. That is why I have married a widow, so that with her age and experience she could provide upbringing and training for my sisters.”
From this incident we can deduce that despite the presence of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم in Madina Munawwarah, there was no question of delaying the Nikah to the extent of even informing let alone inviting him.
Thus, in the time of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, whenever a suitable partner was found for a boy or girl, the Nikah would be conducted without delay. It would not be treated as something so significant as to require the attention or approval of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. For this reason Hazrat Shaikh Rahmatullahi alai used to say, “I can’t understand all these formalities for Nikah, because Nikah is an Ibadat (act of worship). When someone intends to perform two Rakats of Salat then must he print posters and send everyone cards asking them to assemble in the Jame Masjid before performing the two Rakats?” What a beautiful explanation Hazrat Shaikh provided. Since Nikah is also an Ibadat, then what is the need to print cards and gather a large congregation?
Hazrat himself practised what he preached. He married two of his daughters with Hazrat Jee Maulana Yusuf Saheb and Hazrat Jee Maulana Inamul Hasan Saheb respectively. The occasion of their marriage coincided with the annual graduation ceremony at Mazahirul Uloom, Saharanpur. Both prospective son-in-laws were to graduate. Hazrat, prior to leaving for the graduation ceremony, went home and called out that I propose to wed Maulana Yusuf with such a daughter and Maulana Inamul Hasan with such a daughter, naming each daughter. This was the only type of announcement made in advance of the wedding.
Hazrat Maulana Ihtishamul Haq Saheb, who happened to be the maternal uncle of the daughters and also the brother-in-law of Hazrat Shaikh, as well as being a member of the household, became upset at not being consulted about the marriage. He protested saying that he was the maternal uncle of the girls, and as such, he should at least have been consulted prior to their Nikah. However, Hazrat’s stance remained the same. As Nikah is an Ibadat what is the need to notify everyone. The participants of the marriage were informed and that was sufficient.
On the contrary, we have created so many unnecessary formalities that if perchance the wedding feast is not held on the day of the wedding, we make full amends by holding a large Walimah (a meal after consummating the marriage) the following day.
The practise of Walimah was also celebrated by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم but not in the same manner in which we are accustomed to. When Khaiber was conquered, among the prisoners of war included Hazrat Safiyyah , the daughter of a Jewish chief. Hazrat Dihya Qalbi requested the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم for a maid. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “Go and take any slave girl.” He took Hazrat Safiyya . At this, the other Sahabah approached the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and said: “O, Prophet of Allah! Banu Nazir and Banu Quraizah (the Jewish tribes of Madinah) will feel offended to see the daughter of a Jewish chief working as a maid. We therefore suggest that she is only suitable for you.” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم called Dihya and said, “Take any seven slave girls but leave her (i.e. Safiyya).” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم then freed her from slavery and married her. In the tradition reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, we are further told that they had left Khaiber and on the way, Umme Sulaim dressed her for marriage and at night she sent her as a bride. The following day Walimah feast was arranged with whatever was available.
The point I really want to elicit from this story is the manner in which the Walimah was organized. It was such a simple affair. The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم asked his companions to bring their own food. He spread out an eating mat and some brought dates and others cooking butter. This was the manner in which the Walimah of Allah’s Messenger was celebrated.
Friends! The teachings of our religion, as exemplified by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, impress upon us simplicity. We need to change our approach and attitude to life and adopt these simple and noble practises.
I again reiterate that there is need for us to change our present outlook. We should replace our indifference and apathy to the suffering borne by fellow Muslims and replace it with a genuine feeling of love and consideration. Only then will we merit the pity of Allah. If we are sincere Muslims then let us mirror the loss sustained by our brothers and sisters. Such should be our grief that it shows on our faces, cause feelings of pain and revulsion in our hearts and makes sour the food and drink we consume. This should be a natural reaction to hearing any kind of tragedy befalling Muslims. Alas, there is a great need to re-establish true Islamic brotherhood in this day and age.
In the end, I pray to Almighty Allah that He grants us all the Tawfiq (strength and ability) to appreciate the delicate age we live in and that He fully rectifies us in all respects (Ameen).
And our last call is that all praise be to the Lord of the worlds and peace and blessings be upon the Master of the Messengers, his descendants and his companions.
Selected Discourses by Hadhrat Shaikhul Hadith Maulana Yusuf Motala Sahib
Inter-Islam
Mar 23rd, 2011 by Ahmed.
All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him. We seek His assistance and forgiveness. We believe in Him and place our trust in Him.
We seek refuge in Allah from the mischief of our souls and our bad actions. He whom Allah guides no one can mislead, and he whom Allah misleads, no one can guide.
We bear testimony that there is no deity except Allah. He is alone and has no partner and we bear testimony that our leader and master Muhammad is His Servant and Messenger. O Allah, shower your everlasting peace and blessings on him and on his descendants and his companions.
Almighty Allah says in the Holy Qur’an:
“O Mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from him He created his wife (Eve), and from them He created many men and women. Fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah ever watches over you.” (4:1)
“O you who believe! Fear Allah as He should be feared. And die not except in the state of Islam (as Muslims).” (3:102)
“O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah and fear him, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to do righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and His Messenger he has indeed achieved a great achievement.” (34:70-71)
The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said:
“Marry such women as are affectionate, child producing for I wish to outnumber the nations through you.” (Abu Dawood & Nasai)
“Nikah is my Sunnah.” (Ibn Majah)
“Whosoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” (Bukhari)
Friends! On this auspicious occasion of Nikah, I pray to Almighty Allah that He may instil Muhabbat (love and affection) between the married couple, that through this bond of marriage, pious and righteous children are born, and also that Muhabbat and Ulfat (loving bond) is created between the families of the married couple. In addition, I invoke unto Almighty Allah that He may find for all our young boys and girls pious and suitable partners (Ameen).
This Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. Simplicity would be the hallmark of every Nikah performed by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. We are instructed in the Hadith that when a suitable partner is found for a girl, then haste should be made in performing the Nikah. A major reason for the marked increase in the number of unmarried boys and girls in present-day society stems mainly from neglecting the sound advice given in this Hadith. Nowadays the Nikah is delayed in spite of having found a suitable partner for ones son or daughter. For the sake of personal convenience, like going on a holiday or waiting for the arrival of some guest, or some other programme, we unnecessarily delay the marriage.
I am conscious that this moment is one of joy and happiness. I do not want to dampen it. But I must also digress a bit from the main topic of marriage and express the anguish of my heart at the suffering of fellow Muslims, while we continue to indulge in comforts and luxuries. As you know, the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and his Companions رضى الله تعالى عنهم did not avail of luxuries despite having the opportunity to do so; instead, they made rigorous Mujahadah (endeavour). By the Barakah (blessings) of their Mujahadah each Companion became a great warrior, who strove and persevered.
When we look inward into our own lives it reveals quite the opposite. We have become so attached to worldly comforts and luxuries that it has, indeed, become difficult for us to discharge our own necessities without relying on others. Over indulgence in ease and comforts is also a significant reason for our misfortune and downfall. If only we realized the true concept of Islamic brotherhood then to continue in extravagant celebrations would really hit the raw inner of our consciousness. Presently, throughout the world, hundreds and thousands of fellow Muslims are suffering at the hands of non Muslims. So many of them are held captives by the enemies of Allah, and the respect and dignity of so many others is being looted, and above all, our brothers and sisters are helpless with no one to confront the perpetrators of their misery. In this dire situation, our brothers and sisters are really in need of every sip of water, every piece of grain and every single penny. Oh friends, is this really a time to indulge in extravagant celebrations, merrymaking and rejoicing? This is surely against the trend of Islamic brotherhood, and I say, it is also against humanity! When you see the abundant favours of Allah so freely granted – especially when you sit to eat – then your eyes should be filled with tears. At the same time, reflect on the plight and suffering borne by Muslims in Bosnia, Somalia, Philippines, Burma and so many other places. Muslims whose situation is most distressing. Despite what prevails before our eyes, are we going to be like the ostrich with its head in the sand?
In this present era, the warning bells of danger to our Faith can be heard ringing aloud. Although the situation is better here (as compared to that in other countries) but we cannot be complacent. The tide of moral and religious degeneration is reigning down on us from all sides. We regularly hear incidents of how our progeny is being exposed to the ills prevalent in this society. We must, therefore, be aware of the dangers and maintain a vigilant eye. We should reflect on what is happening and take a firm grasp of the declining moral and religious situation in this society.
In spite of hearing the plight and misery of Muslims, our feelings seem to remain static, and we are largely unresponsive to their plight. We should try to alter this kind of outlook. Most importantly, we should try and generate a genuine feeling for our Muslim brothers and sisters. We should consider their suffering as our own. We should not behave in apathetic manner, unaware of what is happening to them. Let us conduct ourselves honourably, sharing their woes and grief wherever they may be in the world. Their suffering, displacement and slaughter should be felt by all of us.
I have deliberately shed light on this subject because, nowadays, our wedding functions have become such that vast sums of money are spent and this suggests a kind of indifference to the suffering of Muslim at large. I, for one, do not condone this kind of attitude. On occasions like this, I only wish that greater accountability would be taken. As I have already explained, there are so many Muslims throughout the world in need, so many oppressed, so many destitute and so many in need of every grain, yet our inner eyes remain closed. As Hazrat Shaikhul Hadith Maulana Muhammad Zakaria Saheb Rahmatullahi alai once wrote to his daughter, saying, “Oh daughter! When we depart from this world, our eyes will really open. Only then will we realize!”
Thus, we will only truly realize the extent of our self-deception once we have left this transitory world. How we deceived our own selves. Only then will we truly appreciate the significance of assisting the needy and helpless Muslims. If we are not able to do anything else, then, at least we should develop a sincere concern for our fellow Muslims and pray for them. Even this will not be overlooked by Almighty Allah, who will, Inshallah, accord us with much blessing and reward.
I now return to the subject of my initial discussion, that Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. This sublime act is such that it cannot accommodate any other custom; simplicity, as I explained at the outset, is its hallmark. As such, there is no need for a large assembly or congregation for its commemoration.
I will now briefly mention the nature of simplicity observed in weddings conducted at the time of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. Once the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم noticed a stain of Itr (perfume) on the garment of one of his Companion, Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah . Although use of Itr was Sunnat, it would generally be applied only for special occasions like a wedding, or on significant days like Friday and Eid. Seeing the blot, the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم enquired of Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah : “Have you married?” He replied, “Yes.” The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم further asked, “Whom did you marry, a virgin or a widow?” He replied, “A widow.” The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “Why did you not choose a virgin, that you might play with her and she might play with you? I see you as a young man.” Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah replied most gracefully, saying: “O Prophet , my father was martyred in the battle of Uhad. He left behind nine small sisters. Had I married a virgin then she would have become the tenth. That is why I have married a widow, so that with her age and experience she could provide upbringing and training for my sisters.”
From this incident we can deduce that despite the presence of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم in Madina Munawwarah, there was no question of delaying the Nikah to the extent of even informing let alone inviting him.
Thus, in the time of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, whenever a suitable partner was found for a boy or girl, the Nikah would be conducted without delay. It would not be treated as something so significant as to require the attention or approval of the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم. For this reason Hazrat Shaikh Rahmatullahi alai used to say, “I can’t understand all these formalities for Nikah, because Nikah is an Ibadat (act of worship). When someone intends to perform two Rakats of Salat then must he print posters and send everyone cards asking them to assemble in the Jame Masjid before performing the two Rakats?” What a beautiful explanation Hazrat Shaikh provided. Since Nikah is also an Ibadat, then what is the need to print cards and gather a large congregation?
Hazrat himself practised what he preached. He married two of his daughters with Hazrat Jee Maulana Yusuf Saheb and Hazrat Jee Maulana Inamul Hasan Saheb respectively. The occasion of their marriage coincided with the annual graduation ceremony at Mazahirul Uloom, Saharanpur. Both prospective son-in-laws were to graduate. Hazrat, prior to leaving for the graduation ceremony, went home and called out that I propose to wed Maulana Yusuf with such a daughter and Maulana Inamul Hasan with such a daughter, naming each daughter. This was the only type of announcement made in advance of the wedding.
Hazrat Maulana Ihtishamul Haq Saheb, who happened to be the maternal uncle of the daughters and also the brother-in-law of Hazrat Shaikh, as well as being a member of the household, became upset at not being consulted about the marriage. He protested saying that he was the maternal uncle of the girls, and as such, he should at least have been consulted prior to their Nikah. However, Hazrat’s stance remained the same. As Nikah is an Ibadat what is the need to notify everyone. The participants of the marriage were informed and that was sufficient.
On the contrary, we have created so many unnecessary formalities that if perchance the wedding feast is not held on the day of the wedding, we make full amends by holding a large Walimah (a meal after consummating the marriage) the following day.
The practise of Walimah was also celebrated by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم but not in the same manner in which we are accustomed to. When Khaiber was conquered, among the prisoners of war included Hazrat Safiyyah , the daughter of a Jewish chief. Hazrat Dihya Qalbi requested the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم for a maid. The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, “Go and take any slave girl.” He took Hazrat Safiyya . At this, the other Sahabah approached the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and said: “O, Prophet of Allah! Banu Nazir and Banu Quraizah (the Jewish tribes of Madinah) will feel offended to see the daughter of a Jewish chief working as a maid. We therefore suggest that she is only suitable for you.” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم called Dihya and said, “Take any seven slave girls but leave her (i.e. Safiyya).” The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم then freed her from slavery and married her. In the tradition reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, we are further told that they had left Khaiber and on the way, Umme Sulaim dressed her for marriage and at night she sent her as a bride. The following day Walimah feast was arranged with whatever was available.
The point I really want to elicit from this story is the manner in which the Walimah was organized. It was such a simple affair. The Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم asked his companions to bring their own food. He spread out an eating mat and some brought dates and others cooking butter. This was the manner in which the Walimah of Allah’s Messenger was celebrated.
Friends! The teachings of our religion, as exemplified by the Holy Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم, impress upon us simplicity. We need to change our approach and attitude to life and adopt these simple and noble practises.
I again reiterate that there is need for us to change our present outlook. We should replace our indifference and apathy to the suffering borne by fellow Muslims and replace it with a genuine feeling of love and consideration. Only then will we merit the pity of Allah. If we are sincere Muslims then let us mirror the loss sustained by our brothers and sisters. Such should be our grief that it shows on our faces, cause feelings of pain and revulsion in our hearts and makes sour the food and drink we consume. This should be a natural reaction to hearing any kind of tragedy befalling Muslims. Alas, there is a great need to re-establish true Islamic brotherhood in this day and age.
In the end, I pray to Almighty Allah that He grants us all the Tawfiq (strength and ability) to appreciate the delicate age we live in and that He fully rectifies us in all respects (Ameen).
And our last call is that all praise be to the Lord of the worlds and peace and blessings be upon the Master of the Messengers, his descendants and his companions.
Selected Discourses by Hadhrat Shaikhul Hadith Maulana Yusuf Motala Sahib
Inter-Islam
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